“Kelly?” Her mother’s voice called out softly. “You awake?”

A mumbled “yeah” came in response from under the duvet.

 “It’s just past ten, sweetie. We’ll be leaving in a couple of hours.”

The door was pulled back out again and Kelly yawned, stretching out her arms before wincing loudly as a shooting pain shot up her left shoulder. She’d forgotten about the purple bruise that now decorated a large part of her upper back and left arm. She wished she could remain in the blissful moments of being half-awake and ignorant to reality as the events of the past week flooded back, the memories of terror and agony hitting her with full force all over again. The football match. The sprained ankle. The crash. All the pieces of a jumbled jigsaw quickly sliding together as they played quickly in her mind, a slideshow of a series of mistakes. She managed to climb out of bed – quite a feat, given her physical state- and changed into tracksuit bottoms and a hoodie with considerable difficulty. Even the loose clothing was hard to manoeuvre without hurting something. She sat down on the bed and rubbed her foot gingerly; although she could now walk on it, the ankle still felt somewhat weak, and she was afraid of twisting it and making it worse.

There was a knock on the door and it opened without awaiting a response; Kelly looked up to see her best friend Zara standing in her doorway, grinning. Typical of her to let herself in. She often seemed to make herself more at home in Kelly’s house than Kelly did. Not that Kelly’s family minded or anything – Zara was pretty much their second daughter, she was there so frequently. “What are you so happy about?” Kelly greeted her with curiosity. “Day off. For the healing process and whatnot. No geometry test for us this Monday!” Zara replied before flouncing on the bed beside her. “How you feeling?” Kelly rolled her eyes before answering “never been better”, her voice dripping with sarcasm.  “How about you?” Stupid question, really. As if both of them hadn’t had enough of being asked how they felt. “Feeling great!” Zara said, rolling her eyes as well. “Can’t you tell?” she said, whipping back her layers of auburn hair to reveal the cut across her face, which spoke volumes as to how she must be feeling, as well the bruises and scrapes visible on her palms and arms. “Seriously, though”, Zara continued, her voice losing the light-hearted tone, “How are you really?”

What a question, Kelly thought. Afraid. Terrified. Shocked. Guilty…
“Same as always” was what came out of her mouth though. Lies. But she wanted to change topic; it did no good to dwell. As if the nightmares weren’t enough, she didn’t need to relive it when she was awake, too. “Hey, you hungry? I’m starving. Let’s go downstairs.” Zara raised her eyebrows at the unsubtle change of topic, but followed Kelly out of her room nonetheless.
Then came the challenge of the stairs. Kelly, stubborn as ever, attempted going down alone, turning down Zara’s offer of help. It took three agonising steps before she gave in to letting Zara aid her, ignoring the blatant smirk on her friends face. They walked towards the kitchen, Kelly ready to raid the fridge, when they saw Kelly’s mother with Neil Evans, one of their neighbours and the local GP. “It’s quite normal” Neil’s voice carried into the hall. “Denial is the first step. The shock takes a while to sink in. Don’t worry about it. Give it time, today could provide the necessary closure to…” They stepped into the kitchen, where Kelly’s mother was wringing her hands nervously while Neil nursed a cup of coffee. “Hey, Kelly” Neil greeted her warmly, casually. “Hey, Neil” she responded, smiling, and reached into a cupboard for some Cheerios. “So, how are you?” He asked. Kelly looked over her shoulder to roll her eyes at Zara, who was stifling a laugh. People were so predictable. “Okay, I guess. My back hurts.” Kelly realised she was sounding a bit negative, considering how lucky she’d been. It could have been worse she knew; most people who got hit by a car didn’t just walk away with some cuts and bruises. “But as Zara said, on the bright side we’re missing our maths test.” Her mother shot a worried glance over to Neil which didn’t go unnoticed by Kelly, although she didn’t get what it was about. Neil placed down his cup. “Well then Ms. Sullivan, I’d better be off.” Kelly watched her mother show him out and grabbed a spoon and bowl and commenced eating her breakfast. “Kelly”, Zara said. “Do you…think about it?” Kelly was tempted to say ‘Think about what?’, but she knew she couldn’t avoid the topic. “Too much” she admitted. It wasn’t just the crash that haunted her these past few days, but she had been analysing everything leading up to it. The smallest of changes could have prevented so much…

It was four weeks ago when she had been playing a football match which seemed to be the start of it all. She had gone to kick the ball when her foot seemed to twist the wrong way or something. She fell and the next thing she knew her foot was bandaged and she had to go around on crutches because she’d sprained her ankle. After three and a half weeks the doctor had told her the crutches were no longer necessary if she was careful, although she could use them if she felt it was getting too much. She was all too happy to be able to ditch them, despite the occasional discomfort in her foot. Then, a couple of days later, she’d been walking home with Zara, and her ankle was feeling a bit tender after she tried, foolishly, to run for a bit – it was Friday and she couldn’t wait to get home. So they were crossing the road when Kelly twisted her ankle – it was nothing serious but it caused her to slip. Zara, a few paces ahead, turned around to help her, but Kelly, embarrassed, told her she was perfectly fine, thank you very much, and didn’t need her help. She struggled for a couple of moments and it became clear that she needed help getting up, when a car came speeding towards her.  Zara rushed over to help her up, and then….and then…
The scream was the worst. The piercing scream. Never to leave Kelly’s memory. “Zara, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” Kelly managed as a single tear slid down her cheek, guilt in liquid form. “There’s no need to be” Zara tried to comfort her. Then Kelly’s mother came back from saying goodbye to Neil. “Kelly, aren’t you going to change? Why didn’t you wear what I’d laid out?” Kelly looked up. “The tracksuit was easier with my arm. Why does it matter what I wear?” Kelly’s mother looked pained. “Just put on the black dress. We have to leave soon.” “Leave where? Where do we have to go?”
The sadness in Ms Sullivans’ eyes was overwhelming. “Zara’s funeral.”

” Matt ! who’s this ?! Oh my … what happened !? ” His mother looked at her in shock but also knowing it wasn’t the right moment to ask these questions, she told her son to lay her down on the coach in front of the fire place and get lots of blankets. She made a cup of hot tea. Lucy was still not able to talk so she drank the tea and closed her eyes . ”Go to sleep sweetie , you just rest ”, said Matt’s mother, rubbing her hair. Matt sat in front of the coach and stared at the thin sickly girl with blonde curly hair, all wrapped up in blankets .
Lucy woke up two hours later, and saw the boy who had saved her staring at her.

 ”Hi” he said ”How are you ?”

 ”I’m not really sure , I can’t explain the way I feel …” she sighed. ”I’m happy I’m still alive ”. She smiled. Matt didn’t know what to say. Lucy didn’t know what to do.

”Can I call my parents ?” she asked . They waited together at Matt’s house, talking and laughing about everything. When she got back home after her parents had collected her she knew her parents thought something had happened, but she didn’t say anything. She didn’t want any drama. Her parents were so over protective she knew they’d over-react even though nothing really bad had actually happened .

… A year later on a cold winters day .
”You could just invite your close friends ” she said, holding Matt’s hand while walking slowly in the park.

 ”I think I just want to spend my 19Th birthday with you … ” he looked down into her eyes . Lucy looked in his eyes and hugged him tightly. ”I love you Lucy”. ”I love you too” .
Lucy’s mum ran into her room screaming and shaking her daughter ”Lucy wake up, wake up !”
”What do you want mum ? Can’t you see I’m sleeping ?” said Lucy not even opening her eyes .
Her mum handed her the phone . ”Hello? Who’s this ” she asked .

”Matt’s mum … I’m sorry … Matt … Matt’s dead” she said and burst out crying.

Lucy opened her eyes in disbelief and immediately felt them fill with tears and dropped her phone.

”Honey, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry” said her mother and tried to hug her .

‘No mum leave me alone , please” Lucy said pushing her away . Lucy rushed downstairs, opened the door and ran as quickly as possible away from her house. She found herself standing in front of the lake she had almost drowned in. She didn’t understand why he had killed himself. She thought he really loved her and was happy. She hoped she’d just wake up at home, with Matt telling her it was just a bad dream. She felt so numb, she couldn’t feel a muscle in her body. She had nothing, no one to live for any-more. She stood right beside the lake… then jumped into it .

She remembered the first time she saw the tree, that is still standing tall and proud in front of her. It was a summer evening filled with dazzling flowers in the field, but what stood out to Luce were the emerald green leaves upon a great tree, that held tightly to them making sure they were all intact. It was so big and breathtaking, almost mocking everything that stood around it, and now it was losing its leaves that were withered, that once used to be pure emerald green from the loving sunshine kisses it once got during the summer.
At the sight of the leaves falling Lucy began to wonder about how – if she could go out - she would gently pick all of them up, making sure they were all safe inside in the warmth to protect them from the blowing wind outside.
Softly breaking her gaze from the window, Lucy decided today was the day she would greet the tree, like her own little adventure passing all the wicked nurses that would be on duty with their sharp needles in their trolleys as they walk and give everyone their evil grins. At the thought Lucy shuddered but slowly started to pull on her shoes that were neatly lined up for her to take and put on.
Before she left her room she took her flower coloured scarf and wrapped it around her neck. Slowly Lucy began to walk towards the door. As she looked from side to side there was no one in sight. Lucy took her opportunity and just simply ran as if her life depended on it, her legs didn’t dare to stop, her mind was set up to reach the destination where the tree was, outside.            
The time she ran everything came to a stop, it just froze. Lucy didn’t know for how long she had been running with those short legs of hers. Was it minutes? Hours? What if she never finds the tree? All these thoughts jumped at Lucy, until she saw a massive sign that said ‘EXIT’. It was green with an outline of white, she wasn’t sure what it said nor read.                                 
Then suddenly a yellow withered leaf flew in and landed on Lucy’s palm. At that moment she knew where she had to go. As Lucy went through the giant glass doors she saw in the distance that same tree she had been admiring for as many days she had been here. She breathed in the crisp air that filled her nostrils and began to skip down towards the magnificent tree, where the dancing leaves were awaiting her.
The tree was much bigger and more astonishing to Lucy’s surprise as she stood inches away from it admiring its beauty, and softly leaned her head against the body of the tree, feeling its warmth. Standing still, Lucy felt happiness as more leaves began to fall on her from above in the sky of the never ending tree.                              With so much happiness inside, Lucy began to spin like a leaf herself, forgetting about the entire world, the wicked nurses with the needles, her condition that made her feel sick all the time. She knew how the tree felt losing its leaves, she went through it herself with her luscious black curls being gone, but she didn’t worry because she believed she would get better and have the many adventures she always wished for.

Just not at the moment.
Lucy kept spinning around until she felt a small tap on her shoulder, which caused her to sway slightly with the abrupt stop of her swaying, filling her tummy with butterflies and dizziness. Shapes came across her vision as Lucy concentrated to see who it was. It was her mother, who looked relieved and happy. “There you are, I have been looking for you honey, it’s time for bed Lucy, come on let’s get back in before you get all frozen”. Lucy just nodded and took her mother’s hand as they walked back into the Children’s Hospital.
As she lay on her bed back inside, kissing her mum a goodnight, she took out a golden leaf and gave it to her mum “Take care of it for me please, while I sleep as it might get cold, it flew onto me earlier”
Lucy’s eyes began to get heavier as her dream of the emerald tree took over, awaiting her in all its glory.

Then “Beep Beep Beep Beep”rushing down the corridor at three am in the morning.The sound kept echoing through my ear, The sound of death soon to strike.I slept poorly my head filled with nightmares.At six am I was awoken it was just like rush hour.The smells of the plain, tasteless breakfasts floating through the air, and the cries of the nurses to “eat it”.

As the nurse walked through the door she said “How are you felling today”.I replied with a simple “getting close”. “You’ll get there don’t worry “she replied.The doctor will be in later to see how your getting on.Waiting anxiously I said again “Come on Michael”.The doctor entered the ward and said, “Come on time to go” after he looked at me.My heart started racing and I remembered the day I found out I was carrying a new life within me.Right there and then, all of this was going to happen, It was all going so fast,Was I going to be a good mother?Would I make Michael proud?As I rushed down the corridor I remembered last night at three am the beeping waiting for death to strike, But all went blank as I was in to much pain.

Half an hour later.                                                                                                                                                     
‘Wha Wha’ the tiny cries of little Michael. I couldn’t help but smile.The baby had to go to be checked and cleaned up and the nurse wheeled me back to the ward to rest.I entered the ward there was my husband saying,”Well done”.The nurse fixed the bed and reassured me “You were amazing, A true mother heart and soul”.She left then and my husband pecked my cheek.I looked around the room seeing balloons, cards and the first set of clothes that my husband had bought for Michael to wear, a tiny blue babygro with a teddy smiling up from from the front.

After a rest the nurse came and gave me Michael.I whispered in his ear, “We did it, together”.He gave a cute little yawn and clutched his hands tightly.Then all of a sudden he stopped frozen rigid.I shook him.Nothing.I said to my husband in a shaky voice “Get the nurse and the doctor”.They came rushing in and took my baby, my little Michael.They put him on a machine “Michael Michael”I cried holding the soft blue babygro he was supposed to wear Michael, Come Back.. Michael….. Beep…Beep…Beep……

There is someone watching me, I can feel it. I open my eyes slowly, allowing them to readjust to the light. A doctor is leaning over me, a questioning look in his eyes. I take this second of uncertainty, to jump out of the bed and rush at him. A split second and he hit’s the wall at the opposite side of the room. A loud thud, as his head hit’s the wall, and his unconscious body slides to the floor. Shock and surprise flood through me. I am stronger than before. Ten times stronger than any normal human. I wonder if the doctor is ok, but then realise I can hear his heartbeat. Faint, but there. I walk across the room stepping over the doctors body on my way to the door. When I get to the door, it is unlocked. I pull down the handle and leave, adrenaline surging through me.

I run all the way home. The journey would normally take an hour to walk, but today it takes me five minutes. My mother must be at work, her car isn’t in the driveway. I get changed and raid the fridge, looking for something to eat. I settle on a raw steak, supposed to be for dinner later. It doesn’t get rid of my hunger.

A noise outside catches my attention. It is to low for the human ear to pick up, but my hearing is different. I quietly open the back door to investigate the cause of the sound. It is my friend Dylan checking in on me. He waves and walks up the drive. He stops at a nearby rose bush to pick off a rose. A thorn pricks him. A single drop of blood falls from his finger. Instinctively, I run to him. I look at his finger and in a split second, I am biting into his neck. The thirst is unstoppable. A few moments later, I release him. His body drops to the ground, lifeless.

The change is complete.

 “Sophie,” Kyle beamed “I just want to take this opportunity to let you know how much we appreciate you even considering doing this for us.” 

“Doing what?” I asked fear creeping into my voice and pulsing through my head.                                                                               

“Well considering being our baby’s surrogate mother of course” Jeremy piped up.

It was terrible, I couldn’t speak at first I just made this high pitched whine and was shaking and then I exploded into heartfelt tears. I coughed out a few words to let them know I was sorry and goodbye but that’s all I could manage. I blindly grabbed my bag and ran for the door with my eyes overflowing with tears. I sprinted down the hall sobbing loudly and caught a cab home to escape from my own pathetic desperation to find a man, thinking I’ll be forever alone.

We were in the car. Dad was driving. My brother Josh, like usual, was blabbering on about some football game he had watched. Bonnie was listening to music, probably the Black Eyed Peas – she was obsessed with them. Mum and I were chatting about the leaving cert exams I would be sitting next year. It was a sunny summers day and we were on our way home from the beach. “Why don’t we stop for ice-cream?” Dad said, turning around to face us. It was in that split second that everything changed. The deer ran into the middle of the road and stopped! It just stood there. Dad swerved and tried to avoid it causing the car to go out of control. Bonnie screamed. “Hold on!” Dad shouted! Then there was the sound of breaking glass and everything went black…..

I sat at the kitchen table watching Josh reading. He had broken his leg in the accident and couldn’t play sports, but when his leg healed, he never went back. The accident had changed him and his once happy, confident, chatty self changed to a quiet, self-conscious boy who hid behind books. Most of his friends had deserted him and those who were left, he barely spoke to anymore. He became very much a loner and books and video games became his friends. Often in school, I saw him sitting by himself at lunch, reading, looking so sad and lonely. It pained me to see him like this knowing I could do nothing to help him.

Bonnie was different. After the accident, she depended on her friends more and if anything, seemed to make a lot more friends. She hated being on her own and surrounded herself with as many people as she could. But there were those times when she had no-one to distract her and all the memories came flooding back. The scar from her kidney transplant was a constant reminder of that terrible accident. Since her near death experience, Bonnie had changed a lot. She lived more on the wild side, taking risks, trying extreme sports like cliff diving and hanging out with the wrong group of people, but Mum and Dad didn’t notice. They were too busy with problems of their own. It looked like they were going to get divorced. The accident had changed them and ever since, all they did was fight and argue. Mum blamed Dad for what had happened and would never let him forget it. Dad became very depressed and started drinking. A lot.

It was January now and we were just back at school after the Christmas holidays. It was tough for everyone over Christmas. On St Stephens day, Dad could not take it anymore and left Mum. He moved in with his sister, Claire. She was very like Dad in looks.  They both had dark brown hair and grey eyes. Claire was single and was glad of the company. Dad phoned home most evenings and visited every other day. But his moving out  still had a huge impact on the rest of the family. Josh became more reserved and kept to himself even more than before. Bonnie just became more reckless and started doing dangerous things. It was hard for me to watch this. I went to school like usual and tried to act normal, but it was no use. In school the teachers would ask questions in class and I would put my hand up to answer, but they never called on me for the answer. Nobody noticed me at home or at school, no matter how hard I tried to get their attention. It was frustrating.

By now it was April, and things were not getting any better at home. On the twelfth of April, at around  twelve am, Mum got a phone call. It was the police. Bonnie had been in an accident. She and her friends had been drinking and had ended up in a car crash. When I saw her, I was shocked! She lay there in intensive care. Her blonde hair made her look ghostly pale and you could see the faint outlines of the bruises starting to appear. Her eyes were shut and she looked like she was sleeping, except for all the tubes and wires from the hospital machines. The other people in the car were okay, but she had not been wearing a seat belt and had ended up smashing through the front window, fracturing her skull, and breaking her left leg and left arm. Mum and Dad rushed to the hospital to be with her. Soon after, the doctor came in. He told Mum and Dad that there was a fifty-fifty chance that Bonnie could die and to be prepared for the worst. My mother broke down. Dad blamed himself again. If he had been paying more attention to Bonnie, this may not have happened. This time though mum disagreed and told him it was not his fault and that he could not have predicted this. They spent weeks at Bonnie’s hospital bed, waiting for her to wake up from her coma. I wondered if she would ever wake up?          

Before we knew it, it was Summer. Bonnie was home from hospital, but still had to take it easy and be careful. She had made it through her ordeal. After twenty-three days, she woke from her coma. She still had a long way to go, but after a lot of physiotherapy and rehabilitation, she was able to come home. Mum and Dad had managed to talk through their problems and grow closer and come together when Bonnie needed them. To Josh’s delight, Dad had moved back in and my parents decided it was best if they moved to a new home to start afresh. The big move was in a weeks time. As the moving day came nearer, I watched the removal guys pack up my room, all my belongings, in boxes. Some boxes some went to charity shops and friends, and the few boxes left went to the new house, where they were put into the spare room. It was summer and my family were moving to a new house. A fresh start for everyone. Everyone in my class seemed to be moving as well, most to college and some, to work. I felt I was moving too. Away from my family and friends and probably making the longest journey of them all. If it wasn’t for that deer…..

I was seventeen when I died. My father was driving when the deer ran into the middle of the road. The doctors later told my parents that I had died instantly when the car hit the wall. Looking at me now, I looked the same as I did before I died, except for a couple of bruises on my head and that scar on my side from the kidney transplant operation. When the car crashed, my brother got his leg crushed by the car door, but it was just a broken leg and a couple of bruises. My sister was thrown from the car and ended up puncturing her kidney and breaking her arm. Mum and Dad were ok. They escaped with minor cuts and bruises. But me? I was killed instantly when I was thrown back from the force of the collision and broke my neck. My body was taken to the hospital where surgeons managed to do an emergency kidney transplant operation. It saved Bonnie’s life.

I stayed with my family for months, watching over them, trying to comfort them and make contact and trying to continue on with life, sometimes forgetting I had died.  But I realise now that they could not move on until I did. It was time for me to make the long journey to my new home.

Heaven….